“Feeling Okay” came from one of the heaviest places I have ever written from.

The title may sound simple, but the song itself came out of grief, anger and a deep need to process something that felt impossible to understand. A close friend of mine lost his 10-year-old son in a drunk-driving accident. He was a kid who loved basketball, music and his family. What made the tragedy even harder to process was that the driver was his own intoxicated mother.

I remember feeling a kind of anger I was not used to carrying. I believe in grace. I believe in redemption. I believe people are human and broken and in need of Jesus. But I also believe we have to be honest about accountability. Lives are at stake, and when tragedy like this happens, it forces you to wrestle with grief in a very real way.

That is where “Feeling Okay” began.

The question in the song — “Are you feeling okay?” — is not casual. It is not small talk. It is the kind of question that comes out when you see pain, addiction, grief and brokenness colliding. It is a question for the person who is drowning and pretending they are fine. It is also a question for the person who has hurt others and may not fully understand the weight of their choices.

Musically, I wanted the song to feel as heavy as the subject matter. I tracked the guitars over and over again because I wanted the sound to carry the weight of the story. My brother Brady tracked the drums and helped build the middle breakdown, which became one of the most intense parts of the song. My wife, Hannah, was also a huge part of shaping it. She helped with the pre-choruses and pushed me to do something I had never done before — scream vocally on a track.

That moment felt uncomfortable, but it also felt honest.

There is a lyric in the song that says, “Are you feeling okay? Because I am drowning in this hell.” That line carries a lot of the heart behind the song. Sometimes grief feels like drowning. Sometimes anger feels like drowning. Sometimes watching people destroy themselves and others feels like drowning.

But even in that, I do not believe the story ends in hopelessness.

Psalm 40:2 says, “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock.” That verse means a lot to me because it does not deny the pit. It does not pretend the mud is not real. It reminds me that God meets us there and brings us out.

My hope is that “Feeling Okay” gives people permission to be honest about pain, but not stay buried in it. Whether someone is grieving, struggling with addiction, wrestling with anger or just trying to make it through another day, I want them to know they are not alone.

This song is heavy because life is heavy sometimes.

But even in the heaviness, there is still hope.

– Colton Vance

About the Artist:
Colton Vance is an independent Christian rock and alternative metal artist creating heavy, honest, testimony-driven music rooted in spiritual honesty, healing and hope. Influenced by artists such as Breaking Benjamin, Sevendust, Skillet, RED and Northlane, Vance channels his story of faith, recovery, mental health struggles and perseverance into aggressive yet deeply personal rock anthems.